Tales of Unknowing: Therapeutic encounters from the existential perspective by Ernesto Spinelli

Author:Ernesto Spinelli
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781898059790
Publisher: PCCS Books
Published: 2006-05-31T15:00:00+00:00

6

A Life Divided

I had been seeing Jennifer for around six months before I became aware that, on occasion, there was something decidedly unsettling about her demeanour.

From the very start of our sessions together, she had presented herself to me as a studiously guarded, even sullen, individual racked with a multitude of anxieties and concerns that she found extremely painful to express. However, as I began to reflect more upon my sense of unease, I noticed that, every once in a while, Jennifer would appear dressed in a style that was unusual for her, and that, on such occasions, her voice sounded gruff and cracked much like that of a long-time heavy tobacco smoker (even though Jennifer had made it a point to tell me that she had never smoked anything other than the very occasional cigarette). As well as her voice, the tone and style of her language would alter so that she not only spoke at greater length and with uncharacteristic ease, but also was able to express significant events in her life in a direct, almost carefree, and quite ‘earthy’ language laced with a stream of carefully chosen, if unoriginal, four-letter epithets that did not match her more usual shy, selfeffacing manner. Just as noticeably, her attitude towards me (and towards herself) would be far more friendly, warm and laden with elements of humour.

Indeed, as I write about her, these alterations now seem to be so obvious and significant that it occurs to me to ask how it could have taken me so long to notice them. Regardless of how unsuitable an explanation it may be, my honest answer is that I simply missed these factors until such time as they became apparent to me. I would like to believe that had I begun to explore these with her at an earlier point in her therapy, Jennifer might well have retreated from this challenge and found sufficient reason to cease seeing me altogether. As face-saving an ‘explanation’ as this may be, I am sorry to report that I cannot vouch for its accuracy.

So, putting aside all the possible ‘perhapses’ that there may be, let me offer a brief summary of what I was aware of as being meaningful instances in Jennifer’s life circumstances.

In her early twenties, having been diagnosed by her GP as suffering from anorexia nervosa, Jennifer found herself, with her parents’ consent, hospitalised in a private clinic. There, she was treated with a combination of force-feeding procedures and ‘character strengthening’ techniques that had been developed by a psychiatrist whose specialist expertise lay in eating disorders. Some ten years later, from her own clearly prejudiced perspective, Jennifer asserted that this ‘treatment’ had consisted of long periods of sedation, quasi-hypnotic ‘suggestions’ regarding the pleasure and satisfaction to be experienced in eating and drinking regularly, and routine morning and evening ‘therapy’ during which the psychiatrist sought to instil in her high levels of guilt for the pain and concern that her selfish actions were provoking in her parents, family and friends.

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